But Is You ‘Good in Bed’?

I can’t believe this one is not in several movies already. Maybe I
should check again. It’s called ‘Good in Bed‘. It’s a bit like the kind
of thing Dinah Washington used to sing. She had a very randy
song about her dentist who was seven feet tall and filled her
holes in just the right way.

Then there was Bessie Smith with ‘Kitchen Man‘. I used to be
in a group called “Country Kitschin’“. Mostly it was Suzanne
Barker
, now Suzanne Schofield and me, and sometimes
Cleave Anderson and others. Victor Bateman was in the
band for a nanosecond.

Well, Suzanne did a very enthusiastic ‘Kitchen Man’.

A few highlights:

“His jelly roll is nice and hot
never fails to hit the spot
[As if Mr. G really discovered the G spot. Hah!]
I can’t do without my kitchen man

His frankfurters are oh so sweet
How I love his sausage meat.
I can’t do without my kitchen man

When I eat his doughnuts
all I leave is the hole
any time he wants to
he can use my sugar bowl”

And on and on. So, in ‘Good in Bed’, a Tom St. Louis original, our
protagoness can’t get enough of this ugly, dumb guy with a Mom
tattoo and a front tooth missing. She can attract hot guys and rich
guys, but they just don’t do it for her like this bum.

Have you ever known a beautiful and intelligent woman who
simply could not shake the spell of a guy who looked like he
was one step from the jailhouse or the nuthouse?

Oh yeah, and her friends would implore her, “Why do you
continue to see this bum? He’s not good enough for you!” But did
she ever come right out and say, “But he is good in bed!”?

So, anybody making a movie needing some old sounding sexy
songs??? Here it is. Come a runnin’. Is your movie about a crazy
woman who just can’t shake a no good man? Does your movie
feature a scene set in the past and need a saucy little tune to set the
scene?

Well here it is…let the bells ring and the banners fly!

Sidebar: One of my great disappointments in life was not being
asked to do the music for ‘The Colour Purple‘. Yeah, I know. I
really do know.

Quincy Jones is the shit. What am I crazy?

I got it. Who the heck do I think I am. (See yesterday’s post.
I’m a genius and you’re not).

But when I listened, I did not hear the instruments that
they would have been playing at that time — period instruments.
And I did not hear the vocabulary, phrasing and musical vernacular
of that time either. It kind of bugged me because I went to bed with
that music for years. I would have gone for an entirely authentic
sound and I think the movie would have been much better for it.

Hey, Quincy could have done the recording and mixing. I would not
quibble. But you’ll notice that nobody can resist cleaning up and
revising and updating music which is supposed to represent a
previous time. What’s up with that?

This here tune — ‘Good in Bed‘ — should be played on a gut
bucket guitar, with an out of tune piano and a couple of busted up
horns. To our credit, the ‘Angels of Montenegro‘ managed to put
out a pretty cool little big band sound, considering that we had a
cello and a French Horn and a trumpet…along with the chugging
guitar. Catch the end of the song…the horn sting, and then the
cello bit, which was supposed to represent infinity…expressed
mathematically as dot dot dot …

One person I’ve often imagined singing this song is Laura Hubert
who once sang with the Leslie Spit Treeo. Now she sings blues
and jazz every Monday at Grossmans. I should probably drop
in one night with a CD. Last time I was there, she belted ’em
out before an adoring, mesmerized crowd, almost all men.

I felt like an interloper.

So, here it is… a paean to every woman who ever met a guy
who wasn’t worthy to touch her bootlaces but was so good
in bed that she could never get enough. You know women
never marry those guys, don’t you?

Good in Bed

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